Mocha Muck

A new lifestyle series – From those who bring you Life in our Little Town, of Summerland

It burps and it drips; it spits and it squirts. It is ubiquitous in our lives, whether in cities or small villages, locally in shops, schools, and workplaces, or on the road in the wastelands and watering holes of our daily lives—in staff rooms, prison blocks, gas stations, and hospital cafeterias. Depending on one’s perspective, it is considered both blessing and a curse, a product ideally suited to pandemics or considered the visible icon of successful careers. I refer to the disposable, paper, coffee cup.   

Admittedly, its construction is not entirely of paper—a thin plastic coating ensures the hot java does not soak into the paper. Once used, it should not be placed in a recycling bin as the material is potentially toxic. (Opinion varies however.) I can only begin to imagine the huge piles of waste which accumulate somewhere, out of sight and mind, possibly not even in its country of origin. “Stuff” goes somewhere, and I don’t think Space-X plans to take it to Mars.

The biggest problem with the paper coffee cup (complete with plastic lid) occurs when my wife, Kathie, picks one up and starts to drink her morning Java. Typically she wears light or white shirts and blouses. So, you know, that unless she is very, very careful, she ends up splotched, or sprayed—baptized not on the forehead as the mainline Christian churches do, but with dribs, drips, or drabs, chest-level on her freshly laundered top.

The damage occurs in many ways. Sometimes the server (Timmie’s, Starbucks, or the well-meaning non-profit event organizer) fills the cup too full (room, or no room). If the lid is not tight, pushing it down causes liquid expulsion. Spray-day. Not pretty. In other situations, depending on the vendor or cup brand, the plug which ensures the cup will not spill is too tight or misaligned. Again, pushing it into place, or prying it open causes a Titanic sartorial disaster.

Personally, while I don’t think I have a long nose, occasionally while drinking my macho mocha my nose covers the pinprick pressure release hole causing an increase in CIBP (container interior barometric pressure) which resets, rapidly, when the nose is removed, sometimes violently. Tidal wave ensues.

Finally, there is the moat, created by the ridge which allows the plastic cap to snap hold of the paper cup on one side, and the raised section of the cap which supports the drinking hole on the other side. On some models, this trough can be as much as 3/16” deep. If you do not suck in while sipping, then excess coffee will fill the moat awaiting either a second sip or a discharge to the ground via my shirt.

There are days when Kathie and I both wonder if these cups are specially designed to wreck our day and soil our clothes. Admittedly, she is more concerned about such things than I am. Still it is annoying. So what can one do? I have a few ideas:

1. Stop drinking coffee. Costs are rising, and there are ethical concerns not only with the drinking equipment but bean production and farmers’ rights. See below.
2. Stop drinking period! There are benefits to this strategy especially in relation to wine, beer, and spirits. Abstinence, however, has its own cost associations.
3. Return to the garden hose method, which worked well during my childhood though not for coffee. And who knows what toxins are in garden hoses.
4. Don’t wear clothes that require stain removal. In fact, don’t wear clothes. Remember, however, Lady MacBeth who comes to share MacBeth’s horrified sense of being stained: “Out, damned spot; out, I say. (MacBeth Act 2, Scene 2). Actually, go one step further: Don’t wear clothes at all.
5. If you must drink coffee from paper cups, and you do spill, you can try my friend Sue’s method of stain removal. Boil some water. Place your dampened, stained shirt over the sink drain hole. Hold the kettle high above the sink and splatter the affected area. This works best for red wine stains. Give it a try with coffee. No guarantees.
6. Otherwise, go shopping for a new shirt or wear a covering sweater, even in the heat of summer. Oh I forgot, Better Homes and Gardens provides some stain removal hints here.

I do hope the above is helpful. We value your experience and opinion, so please comment either in WordPress or Facebook. And follow us for more helpful lifestyle tips. Next up: Doghair removal for non-shedding Labradoodles.