Finally something truly important to write about

In Finland they are called ostoskori. In New Zealand they are called trundlers. Here in Canada the shopping cart or grocery buggy rules the long and straight aisles of store parking lots. The ubiquitous emblem of homeless persons, who carry jaw-dropping heaps of life possessions along city streets, grocery store shopping carts allow shoppers to carry their goods from the store checkout to their car to begin their homeward journey.

So what’s in these grocery buggies? Well, groceries—and books, and hair products, and baseball cards (go Blue Jays), and recreational equipment— in fact almost everything you used to buy at a “department store” (Lexicon Moment: Department Store: noun, archaic; a store with departments). At large stores such as Costco, these homeward-bound hauls, heaped high as  Everest and costing anywhere from $200.00 to $2,000.00 or more require you, the purchaser to heave, hoist, and organize your trophy-like loot, sometimes in the hot sun or pouring rain. Such an exercise becomes more fun for those managing kids and a dog or two, all simultaneously. Some may remember the glory days of Woodwards where your groceries were placed in paper bags in buckets (I always wanted to ride in one of these) that were conveyer-belted to the roadside where high school students placed them in your vehicle. Those were the days, with Woodwards itself, all gone.

Once loaded, it’s no wonder that some energy-spent folks would simply toss the cart aside in the hope that someone else will return the cart to the long-lined service area (at Costco these lines are often 50 or more carts long, sometimes blocking the outdoor lanes. I actually think this practice was the brainchild of an auto-body repair guy as collision between your car and a shopping can do (as they say in baseball) serious damage.

Some years ago street folks cruised the parking lot of a local shopping mall offering to return the cart for you in return for the deposit coin. Shut down once discovered by mall staff, I thought this was a brilliant and helpful idea. Another step towards full employment I said, and a tremendous  convenience. Strike three for innovation; I assume the rationale was that only the grocery store (and their shareholders) make profits and no one else. Shame on you.

I have a savant-like ability to spot parallel and straight lines. This God-given ability sadly has little or no commercial value. It does get me in trouble at dinner parties when I comment on the crooked display of family photos. “I am just trying to help” I say. At the grocery store I love it when the carts are beautifully aligned, row on row, not where the poppies grow, but when the world appears well ordered. My wife remains puzzled by my enthusiasm for tidying up sloppy cart parking. Leaving the car briefly, with a “back in a minute” I go and tidy the cart rows up. I often say that when I retire (actually, I am retired) I would love to collect and organize the carts at Costco. Strange huh! Just trying to do my bit for the community.

Lest you think I am the only person on the face of the earth who thinks about grocery cart returns, check out a video produced by Leslie Dobson, a Los Angeles-based clinical and forensic psychologist. She is less concerned about the organization of carts but most concerned about management of cart returns. Her video last week immediately enraged the internet. In a follow-up video, Dobson explained her safety concerns, citing statistics about child abductions, laws about leaving running cars unattended and the number of crimes that occur in parking lots. She should know; she’s both a psychologist, and a shopper.

Now here’s an extra bonus: Discover for yourself shopping cart theory (yes, it’s a thing), an analytical process that explains how the way we manage shopping carts suggests particular personality types. In other words: Return cart—you’re good; leave stray cart—not so good, in fact, bad. Simple as that.

Breaking news: Life, and personality are not that simple. What is simple however is that everyone should return the damn buggy as often as you can. It’s simple respect for others, and you’ve gotta love those long, parallel, and symmetrical lines. Right? Are you with me?