Men on the moon, plus Caroline Leavitt — A fantasy

[Ken Gray] For the record, I do not support human travel to the moon. I think it’s a waste of time and money. Sure, people enjoy what my generation witnessed in 1968-9 as the Apollo Program proved we had the technology and the expertise to land on the moon — and we did it — we have the rocks to prove it. Still, why bother?

Ian Whittaker, Senior Lecturer in Physics, Nottingham Trent University wants to develop the moon. “A space station on the moon could be very useful. It would provide future space missions with a stopping point between leaving the Earth and reaching further into the solar system or even the Milky Way.”

Balderdash, I say. Presently we could take that money and solve global problems arising from unbridled warfare, environmental degradation, widespread abuse of human rights . . . the list seems endless. Don’t forget what the Good Book says:

The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (the one who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor?” (He said this not because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; he kept the common purse and used to steal what was put into it.)

I will however make one exception with my protest. There is one instance where I would be pleased to send a few people to the moon, and leave them there. Likely you have your own suggestions; here are mine:

1) Donald Trump, obviously. With all those dips and dives on the moon he could open a new links course. He could name it “Moonraker.” He would love the publicity as the first American president to golf on the moon. He may be able to lengthen his life with less gravity to content with. And he’s up all night, every night. His Truth Social posts would be, literally, be out of this world (which is where he lives most of the time, now.)

2) J D Vance, who is likely keen to travel, given that his mediocre responses to Pope Leo’s thoughts on AI dog him day after day. It’s hard to be a good Catholic when you’re not. Taking down a pope is a tough proposition. Didn’t go well with the Great Western Schism in 1378. Religion aside, it’s always good to have a Yale Law guy on board, someone who just wants to keep the little women at home so the home fires keep burning. Of course, he needs to campaign for 2028 so staying home is an appealing option with Trump meeting his own “man on the moon.” Still, he needs good photo ops, so he will travel. He’ll look great in a space helmet.

3) Howard Lutnick, the man who once fundraised for Hillary Clinton though now plays a central role in Donald Trump 2.0, he is strategically corporate, an avid negotiator, one not overly concerned with ethical performance. He would be an excellent choice to manage the dark side of the moon. (Roll Pink Floyd.)

4) Stephen Miller, AKA “Mr. White is Right,” is the kind of guy you want around for “problem solving.” Described as far-right, anti-immigration (not sure how he will explain the moon-schlus), and white nationalist he just gets the job done. His chief role on the moon will be to ensure that all buildings are painted bright white so they remain visible from earth.

5) No such mission can travel without our current version of Dr. Strangelove, RFK Jr. It must hurt to always be known as “junior.” Maybe that’s his problem, though it didn’t bother Martin Luther King Jr. or baseball’s Vladimir Guererro Jr. What’s the problem with little JFK? In fact, JFK Jr. IS the problem, a huge problem. He won’t even take a band-aid into space as he distrusts science, medicine, research, common sense, and so much more. All that heroin for all those years. Sigh.

Well, the list could go on for sure. Pete Hegseth, Scott Bessent, Marco Rubio, and my favourite, the one who prays before she spews her delusional fake-news inspired drivel, the one who has outlasted any previous White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt. She brings blonde wisdom to this cavalcade of cosmic corruption. So off to the moon folks, but hey, why stop there. Let’s punt this puerile crowd past Pluto. Just do it. Please.

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