Robot dogs? You must be joking – by Juno

What will they think of next? Can’t people just let dogs be dogs? Oh no. For some folks it’s not enough to just select a breed, find a good breeder, and invite a new dog into a household. Worked for me, so very well, for many years, and still does. No need for imitations; just the real thing at my house. Real Labradoodle, all the time; really.  

But no; not for some so-called “content creators.” Let’s make a dog out of Papier Mâché, they say. That’d be fun; we could paint it all sorts of weird colours, and pass it around the dinner table. No feeding required. Excuse me, but at Thanksgiving, don’t you want a real turkey? Not just a photograph, or a porcelain figurine. Real turkey requires real meat, and real stuffing, and real thick gravy, for real enjoyment.

Other imaginative types like to fashion dogs out of Lego or Meccano hoping to  produce a sharp-edged imitation of the original. No go pogo; not now; not ever. Maybe folks should try a holographic projection — you get the image with no substance, or physical presence — no poop, no scoop. Don’t think so. What about 3-D printing? That’s gonna be a stretch. How about AI? Could an AI dog be better trained, well-adjusted in temperament, and a less fussy eater? All I can say is try your own AI search. When asked these questions about my own training and temperament, AI said there were  “multiple factual impossibilities” in my dossier. Really?

Returning to my theme, now I hear about robot dogs, not small dogs, but full size dogs, in some cases, very expensive robot dogs. I am not talking about kids’ toys, you know, fake dogs that can be cuddled but require batteries for everything else. These toys come in all sizes, but there’s nothing real about them. Check out the variety available here. One model “can be controlled with an app, voice, or touch. It sings, dances, guards, and makes funny noises – all of which adults can easily control.”

Lastly, let’s visit the art world for a moment, for example Art Basel Miami, a show that “always brings the outrageous — but this year, one installation stole the entire weekend. Meet the “Robo Dog Billionaires”: robotic dogs modeled after some of the world’s most recognizable tech moguls, including Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg. The lifelike movements, strange poses and bizarre behavior grabbed massive attention online and in person.” And here’s the best news of all: You can take one home for $100,000.00.

It’s all a bit tiring isn’t it, and so unnecessary. “Let sleeping dogs lie” must now be joined with “let real dogs live and forget the rest.” I love my living, loving, breathing, ball-chasing, fussy-eating, running and jumping Labradoodle lifestyle. No imitations necessary. It’s the best life in the world. Woof.

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