[First, a disclaimer] Truth be told, the correct phrase is “I will” and not “I do.” In the movies, couples say I do; in Anglican rites the response is I will. The former is considered by many as relating to one point in time; the latter to an enduring commitment and experience over time. For me however, “I do” makes for a better blog title.
What a lovely looking couple pictured above. We have never met and likely never will. I don’t know their names but was introduced to them through my high school friend Larry Boldt (check our my high school graduation reunion blog) who is a chaplain in the Unitarian Universalist Church on Vancouver Island.
Larry writes on Facebook “I had the pleasure of marrying this beautiful couple from Reno Nevada today, at the Parksville Museum Heritage Chapel. The are a very young 82 years.”
The picture reminds me of many, many weddings at which I officiated as an ordained Anglican priest over many decades. While in Sooke I had a number of what some might call “shotgun weddings” where the bride was very young and the relationship rather brief. In some cases the bride hoping that a formal ceremony would solidify the relationship; in other cases, family pressures emerged, These relationship rarely survived. One such wedding stands out in my memory however. Inexperienced and nervous I forgot to have the couple sign all the necessary documents during the ceremony. So off I went to the reception to approach the head table with record books in hand and a nice pen with a attached feather.
During my tenure in Summerland I did more weddings that at any other time in my ministry. A 1910 field stone church with attractive grounds bordered by massive weeping willow trees next to a bubbling creek made for a picturesque setting for a couple’s happy day. On one occasion I prepared a groom and a bride for their ceremony. Throughout our time together the bride continually referred to what she watched on the wedding channel. On the day, as the ceremony concluded I said to her that she no longer needed to watch the wedding channel. Without missing a beat she turned to me, smiled, and said “oh no, we’ve been watching the baby channel for weeks now.”
If these are example of younger couples who choose to marry, in earlier decades in great numbers, I do recall the great wedding falloff, that time when couples no longer sought either a church or even a secular wedding. All of a sudden I received fewer requests for weddings at our beautiful stone church. This would have been around the year 2000. I have no data to support this claim but I wonder if the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral has something to do with this shift. Released in 1994 the film challenged the notion that a marriage required a wedding of any kind for success. The film asserts that love is all you need. Certainly the funeral of a gay man (the funeral) provides the best philosophical, emotional, and social foundation for an enduring and profound relationship.
Returning to the picture of the elder couple above, I should reveal my preference around weddings. Please, give me an older couple who have navigated the corridors of life and love any day. I illustrate my choice with two examples:
I was asked while in Sooke to marry Gwynneth and Ted. Both were in the riper years of life; Both were previously married — this would his second and her third attempt. Both were motivated and sincere. The ceremony occurred at our local cathedral for various reasons. After the ceremony I was told to leave the documents in the vestry book as the verger would take care of the paperwork. Great I said.
Years later a the member of the cathedral staff contacted me asking what they should do with the documents still tucked in the vestry book. I seems that as I was not on staff at the cathedral the verger left the documents in the book. In the end, arrangements were made to register these nuptials. A few years later Gwynneth and Ted visited me in Summerland which allowed me to inform them for many years, they were not legally married. They were quite amused, thankfully. Oh, but the way, Gwenneth and Ted are the ONLY COUPLE who showed up in church after the wedding. In fact, THE NEXT MORNING.
One final story of working with older couples. Both Doiran and Howe had lost their spouses. They subsequently connected and decided to marry again, amidst some family discomfort. Any typical wedding ceremony would be complicated. So they asked if they could be married at the early morning Book of Common Prayer communion service. Asking why, they explained “this group is our family,” I said sure, why not; I will brush up on my BCP marriage rite. (I have never done a traditional marriage service.) They said, no, we want the new rite. “Really?” I said. Yes, really. So early one Thanksgiving Sunday morning, shortly before I moved on to another ministry we had a lovely service with coffee and snacks outside by the creek after the service. So much fun, and creativity.
So if love is in the air, the air is sometimes foggy, though often spotlit in brilliant sunshine. Now retired, I don’t officiate at weddings any more, and that’s just fine. I have other passions and talents to express. I do have however some lovely memories or sharing special days and relationships over the year. These I cherish, as I pass the torch to Larry and other officiants in all denominations. Blessing, in love, to all.
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Take Note - Reflections on life, music, politics, retirement and more by Ken Gray 
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